This is written from both Siryn's and Warpath's view points. This story is set 10 years after Jimmy's 'death' in X-Force 73/74.
I lie here in the dead of night pondering my life, wondering what might have been. I suppose it's all academic, a waste of the precious little time I have left on Earth. What good is dwelling on the past when you've only got days to live. Tabitha came to see me this morning. She's an X-Man now, married Bobby a year ago, and so doesn't have much free time. I miss the old days. I miss Jimmy. Tabitha told me she'd phoned him, told him that I was dying of cancer but he just said he's sorry to here that. God, if I could go back, I'd have told him how I really felt about him. I hate myself so much, I treated the one man I truly cared about like dirt and kicked him down at every opportunity. He loved me so much, helped me through the drinking problem, helped me deal with my uncle and never asked for anything in return. I remember I was jealous when he came back with Risque but I didn't tell him how I felt then or when he almost died. I ignored him yet again, stupid bitch that I am. He left X-Force a couple of months after he returned from the dead. He married last year, his wife's expecting their first child soon. That could have been me. God, I hate myself.
I lie in my bed thinking about her. On my right I can feel my wife moving closer to me as out baby kicks up a fuss in her womb. A thought of having Terry there, with our child passes through my mind. No, I won't think about what might have happened between us. She broke my heart more than once, I should hate her for that so why can't I get her off my mind. I feel the tears roll down my face. Tabitha told me she was dying and all I could say was that I was sorry. I'm married, I should be happy. I'm sorry for Terry, I really am but there's no way I can face her. I can't face another round of heart ache. I know I will if I see her again, she's dying. Terry, why do you always have to ruin my life?
The doctor is going to let me out of the hospital today. There's nothing more they can do for me. I've got a few days left so I'm going to make peace with the past. My first stop will be the X-Mansion. Bobby, Tabitha, Sam and Rictor are there. After that, I'm going to see Shatterstar and Dani. Both have their own TV shows. They have a little boy called Jules. It was a compromise, 'Star wanted to call him Julio after his best friend, Dani didn't. I'm sort of Jules unofficial God mother. I love him so much, sometimes I wonder what my kids with Jimmy would have looked like. Would they have their father's smile? Would Jimmy and I have been happy? In my dreams, we have the fairy tale marriage. Happy ever after and all that. Then, I wake up from the dreams and for a second I swear I can feel Jimmy at my side, comforting me. Reality sets in and I realize it's not real. There is no us for me, only I. Alone. Jimmy I need you so badly, why can't you be here?
Sarah, my wife, was up early. I woke to the sound of a familiar song, Aqua's "Turn Back Time". Some would call it ironic, I wish I could do just that but I can't. Maybe the songs a sign. Part of me really wants to see Terry now, just to say good bye. Clear my conscience? Have a clean slate? Have my heart broken yet again? Why do I torture myself with her? Why can't I get her out of my mind? A little voice in the back of my mind reminds that it's because I still love her. Terry's was probably my first love. I should have gotten over her. I love Sarah. So why do I still want Terry? Sarah give me a tight squeeze and I hug her back. Light brown hair turns red, hazel eyes turn blue. Where my wife was, Siryn now stand. At least, in my mind that is what I see.
Seeing Dani and 'Star again was good. Jules gets bigger every time I see him. He's got his father's hair color and his mother's eyes'. The boy's got mounds of energy, he and Shatterstar were playing soft ball in their vast estate. I guess being the number one chat show host and the star of the number one comedy show have their advantages. 'Star's changed a lot in the 15 years I've known him. He's a right comedian now, took over from Jay Leno. It reminds me of how little I've done with my life. All my friends are now successful, even Jimmy's got a really great job. He's a flash lawyer now if you can believe that. I've done nothing with mine. It's just another screw up in a long line of screw ups.
I took the day off of work and went to the Xavier Mansion. Terry wasn't there, probably better that she wasn't. She'd gone to see some of our old friends. I wish I hadn't gone because all I got was a whole load of abuse from Tabitha. She blames me for Terry's current state. I kept reminding her that it was Terry who hurt me but with Meltdown you can never be right. I lost my temper and hurled abuse at her. Bobby and Sam broke it up. Rictor came in and sat us all down. Siryn had died.
I died in my sleep. I just remember going to my bed early and not being able to wake up. It was funny, I always expected a bright light and people to come and guide me but there was nothing. Emptiness. Cold. Hollow. Calming. Freeing. Just being. For the first time in my life I felt like me. My only regret being, that I didn't get to say goodbye to Jimmy.
The funeral was difficult for all involved. Sean was hit the hardest. I hid my feelings as best I could. Deep inside though, the last piece of my heart was destroyed. Terry had hurt me for the last time and all I could think about was exchanging my life for her's. My only regret being, that I didn't get to say goodbye to Terry.